Sunday, July 26, 2009

What do you do between 1 and 4 each afternoon?

Dear My Parfitt,

I am writing today as I believe that I and the people of Great Britain have suffered enough. Now, despite my better judgement I still listen to radio one and I have done so for well over a decade. I have seen broadcasters come and go and I have participated in competitions and phone-ins, as well as attended your ambitious attempts to intrude on the festival circuit.

However, there is one serious thorn in my side, fly in my ointment, piss on my proverbial chips. I am talking Andy, may I call you Andy, about Edith Bowman. Now, it would be easy for me to list the reasons why I dislike Edith Bowman’s show so intensely, so I’m going to.

Edith Bowman is simply a dreadful broadcaster; she is frequently unprepared for her broadcasts and appears to rely far too heavily on guests and callers in to fill her gaps. In fact, do the listening public really need one show per week dedicated cinema? Especially when the only real critique she is able to provide is superlatives like ‘genius’ or ‘amazing’? Besides, who actually cares what Edith Bowman has to say about anything, at all, whatsoever, in the world?

Edith’s involvement with the ‘show’ is so limited that, in the 2 years since Colin Murray left, the format is virtually unchanged. I imagine that, what with her ‘wacky cultural references’ and the way she gushes over the latest ‘scenester’ flash in the pan indie band or film that her show is geared towards the ‘Student/Twitter/Twenties’ audience? Well, she creates such aversion amongst this ‘target audience’ that there are social networking sites dedicated to their distain as well as one entitled ‘what do you do between 1 and 4 pm each afternoon’ – because, lets face it, you can’t listen to the radio.

Andy, without wanting to put to fine a point on it; who is sleeping with her? If she’s got someone over a barrel then you, as director needs to step up and teach that bitch whose boss. Someone has to. For the love of God, someone has to. Edith’s unprofessionalism, inertia and downright laziness is not good enough for someone who is essentially being paid by the British public and I suggest you replace her immediately.

Below I have listed some possible new stand-ins:

Tim Lovejoy
Iain Lee
Colin Murray
William Shatner
David Mitchell
Andy Murray
Graham Lineham
Boris Johnson
Yoko Ono
Xzibit (or Fred Durst)

Yours truly,

Tiernan Welch


Rhys said...

I read in the Observer today that she's being dropped by Radio One for being too old (along with that wiley Whiley).

I believe she's being replaced by Fearne Cotton.

Well done, Tiernan, that was quick.
Must be a new record.


Anonymous said...

Seriously? Seriously? Aces.

Anonymous said...

In July 2009 it was announced that Radio 1 were to change their daytime schedule, and this saw both Jo Whiley and Edith being moved to Weekend Afternoons and Weekend Breakfast respectively. Edith's current afternoon show will be presented by Greg James from September 2009. Initially casing controversy, listeners slated the station for being ageist, however the move will also mean both Edith and Jo can spend time with their ugly newborn children.

Anonymous said...

fuck 'em, bring back mark and lard