Friday, June 08, 2012

The future's shite, the future's orange

Good day,

It would appear that the future is in fact not so bright…

I have been a customer of orange since 'snake' was on your contract phones so forgive me if I seem a little bit frustrated by my own the disappointment at your consistently mediocre service and this most recent episode. Let me go back some time, I was delighted when I was phoned by a member of your staff and informed that I was able to upgrade my phone and, in early 2010 I decided that I too wanted to ignore friends and cheat in pub quizzes so opted for an iphone. At the time the iphone 4 had been out for a few months, however not being technically minded I was unable to see any real difference between the 4 model and the 3Gs (a mistake I have learned to regret) and, always mindful of further economic downturn, redundancy and an inherent need to be frugal I decided to take 3Gs phone on an 18 months contract. 

Eighteen months on and my phone was like a horse waiting to be shot; it wasn't soiling itself or anything but was lagging, sluggish and reluctant to work. Sadly it seemed best to put the old girl out of its misery and so it was a good job I was at the end of my 18 month contract...or at least this is what I thought. You can therefore imagine my disappointment when I was informed that, unbeknownst to me I had taken out a 2 year contract. At this stage I must ask why anyone would think I would take out such a lengthy contact on a phone which I knew would be obsolete but, as I was unable to prove otherwise (as I did could not locate my contract and for some reason you do not keep contracts) I made my peace with this additional plight.

Six long months on and my two years of service were finally up recently so, like a good boy I set off for the orange shop only to be informed that it wasn't ‘quite’ two years yet as I had been allowed to upgrade three months early on my last contract. Allowed you say? I would say I was advised, or perhaps more appropriately coerced so to say ‘allowed’ seemed a bit much. Anyway, I wasn't going to let this dampen my spirits - after all, this is new phone day! I’ll just upgrade early again - get me a 4Gs and then probably sell my old phone in a pawn shop and get drunk with the proceeds. The poor girl in the shop looks at me, her face says it all: ‘Sorry Sir, you can’t upgrade yet’. My head swells with a noxious mix of disappointment, frustration and downright fury. Why on earth not? What’s wrong this time? What did I ever do to you? She responds with clear embarrassment and informs me that ‘Orange have changed their contracts and they no longer allow early upgrades’.

This is where I get a little cross, you see I have been 'allowed' to upgrade early for the past 7 years. It was suggested to me in store that early upgrades were customer 'rewards', however we both know that it is merely a ploy to keep greedy customers in contract. Whether this is a contractual obligation, it is unquestionably become common practice and protocol and to simply go back on your own terms and promises is nothing short of lousy as well as reminiscent of a certain political coalition.

As it stands I believe that you have broken the terms of your contract with me and therefore I have decided that I no longer intend to adhere to my contract with you. Please respond with an acceptable response and explanation promptly or I will cancel my contract. Rest assured I will happily be taken to court with this. Or just let me bloody upgrade?

 Kind regards,


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